Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
