@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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