last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
