listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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