belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Moan for me like Helen Keller
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
