My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
