Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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