Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
