Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
