The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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