6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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