and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
