My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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