I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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