My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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