Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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