I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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