I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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