Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
