just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Less talking, more tequila
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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