You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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