absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
im six kinds of drunk right now
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
