Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i black out too much to be "responsible"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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