I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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