Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
