the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
