I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
