GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Terrible idea I love it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
