I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
