My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
