I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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