I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
