why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
