my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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