sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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