omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
