Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
