it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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