Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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