if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
