She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
