sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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