Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
