I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
