just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
