There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Be still, my beating vagina.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
