Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
