So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
