why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
