Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
