no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
