Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
