wrigley field is MILF paradise
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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